We’ve all been there—offering thoughtful, compassionate advice to a friend or loved one who’s going through a tough time. Whether it’s relationship issues, job stress, or mental health challenges, people in our lives often turn to us for guidance. And we’re usually great at knowing exactly what to say to help them feel better or find clarity.
But here’s the catch: We don’t always take our own advice.
Even when we’re well-versed in healthy coping mechanisms or the importance of self-care, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of “do as I say, not as I do.” The truth is, we often give better support to others than we do to ourselves. And that can lead to neglecting our own mental and emotional well-being.
Why We Struggle to Take Our Own Advice
Sometimes we know what’s best for us—we’ve even told others to do the very thing we’re avoiding. But when it’s our mental health or situation, doubt creeps in. We second-guess ourselves, downplay our needs, or convince ourselves we’re “fine.” This disconnect between how we treat others and how we treat ourselves is incredibly common, and it highlights a deeper need for self-awareness and self-compassion.
When It’s Time to Start Taking Your Own Advice
There are two key situations where listening to your inner wisdom can be especially powerful:
1. When You Already Know What’s Best for You
You know yourself better than anyone else. You understand what makes you feel fulfilled, calm, or energized—and you’re probably already equipped with tools for self-care, emotional regulation, or boundary-setting. Trust that knowledge. If you’d tell a friend to take a break, go to therapy, or say no to an overwhelming task, maybe you should do the same.
2. When You Need to Get Out of Your Own Way
Self-doubt, perfectionism, or fear of failure can cloud our judgment and hold us back. We often become our own biggest obstacle, questioning our instincts and abilities. In these moments, taking your own advice can be a powerful act of courage. It means choosing to believe in yourself and take action—even if it’s uncomfortable.
The “Treat Yourself Like a Friend” Approach
One of the most effective tools for building self-compassion is the “How would I treat a friend?” exercise, popularized by self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff. Ask yourself:
“If someone I love were in my shoes, what would I say to them?”
Chances are, your response would be full of kindness, support, and understanding. The challenge is applying that same warmth to yourself. If you’re giving good advice to others, you already have the insight—you just need to internalize it.
Warning Signs You’re Neglecting Your Mental Health
If you’re unsure whether you’re taking your own advice, here are some red flags that may suggest you’re drifting away from self-care:
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Withdrawal from social activities or relationships
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Difficulty focusing or concentrating
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Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
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Increased irritability, mood swings, or tearfulness
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Feeling detached from yourself or your emotions
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Loss of motivation, joy, or sense of purpose
These signs aren’t just passing phases—they may signal burnout, depression, anxiety, or emotional exhaustion. Pay attention to these cues, and if they persist, consider reaching out for support.
Establish Personal Checkpoints
One way to keep your mental health on track is to build regular check-ins with yourself. Notice when you feel off:
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Are you quicker to snap at others?
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Have you stopped enjoying activities that used to bring joy?
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Is your work ethic slipping?
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Are you unusually fatigued or irritable?
When you recognize these patterns, that’s your cue to pause and ask, “What advice would I give a friend right now?” Then, take your own words to heart.
Support Others—But Don’t Forget Yourself
Supporting others is a beautiful thing. But if you’re constantly pouring into others without pouring into yourself, your emotional reserves will run dry. Practicing what you preach isn’t just about integrity—it’s about mental health accountability.
You deserve the same care, grace, and support you so freely give to others.
If you’re encouraging people to seek therapy, engage in self-care, or set healthy boundaries—do those things yourself. You’re not being hypocritical if you struggle; you’re being human. But aligning your actions with your advice helps you show up for others in a more grounded, authentic way.
Final Thoughts: Be Your Own Ally
The advice you give to others comes from a place of compassion and wisdom—so why not apply that same wisdom to your own life?
Start treating yourself like someone who matters. Practice tuning in, listening deeply, and taking action when your inner voice is urging you to take a step forward. Whether that means seeking professional help, journaling more often, or simply taking a break, you already have the insight—you just have to follow it.
